Conflict Resolution

C.U.B.E. for Conflict

To learn more about CUBE and how to use, please view the CUBE Overview

Best Practices for Conflict Resolution

  • Set a forward-looking, collaborative mood of support. 

  • Clarify together the desired outcome, which includes addressing both relationship issues and the conflict.

  • Care about them personally, but also name the elephant in the room.

  • Agree on agenda & timing. Don’t expect to solve it in one meeting.

  • Name the trust issues and resolve those first, then address content.

C

U

REATE CONTEXT & OBJECTIVES

NDERSTAND EACH OTHER’S WORLDS… THEIR WORLD FIRST

  • Set the agenda for you to understand them first, and secondly for them to understand your perspective.

  • Be curious: Dig for their underlying interests, cares, and feelings.

  • Empathize: Demonstrate understanding through paraphrasing even if you strongly disagree.

  • Ask to be heard: Share your story and impact on you. Distinguish facts from interpretations.

B

RAINSTORM OPTIONS

  • Co-create many possible solutions to (1) resolve the conflict and (2) rebuild trust.

  • Don’t narrow into one solution.

  • Decide and commit to clear next steps. Do not accept unrealistic commitments.

  • Agree on what will you do if & when situations come up again.

  • Setup a check-in meeting now to ensure you rebuild trust together.

  • Discuss what went well in the conversation and what could be better next time.

E

ND WITH COMMITMENTS

Common Mistakes for Conflict Resolution

  • Trying to get to agreement too quickly (1 step forward, 2 steps back).

  • Being too nice and not naming the real intent of the conversation.

  • Unilateral moves including setting up an agenda without a discussion.

  • Having the conversation in the wrong circumstances.

  • Underestimating the importance of mood, e.g. moving forward before cleaning up trust issues.

C

REATE CONTEXT & OBJECTIVES

  • Discounting their concerns, priorities or story--verbally or nonverbally, e.g. rolling your eyes.

  • Lack of empathy for their perspective, especially when you disagree.

  • Trying to be right and prove a point, rather than focusing on mutual understanding of two different perspectives.

  • Stating opinions and perspective as fact without double checking the facts.

  • Softening your truth and impact on you because they may react poorly.

U

B

NDERSTAND EACH OTHER’S WORLDS… THEIR WORLD FIRST

RAINSTORM OPTIONS

  • Not developing options for both solving the issue and repairing trust.

  • Underestimating the relationship damage.

  • Rushing into solutions.

  • Playing next steps by ear, including not scheduling a check-in (usually because you are relieved you got here in the first place).

  • Going too big—it’s better to take baby steps that are realistic than find yourself deeper in the hole.

  • Not expressing appreciation for the conversation.

E

ND WITH COMMITMENTS

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